Thank you for calling Dell Tech Support...
- Dell Tech: Sir, we narrowed your issue down to the battery.
- Me: It didn't need to take you 57 minutes on the phone with me to determine it. When I boot the machine up it says "YOUR BATTERY EXPERIENCED A PERMANENT FAILURE AND NEEDS TO BE REPLACED.
- Dell Tech: Yes, sir, your battery does need to be replaced.
- Me: I know.
- Dell Tech: Your warranty expires September of 2012.
- Me: Awesome, please send me a battery.
- Dell Tech: The battery warranty expired.
- Me: But the machine is still under warranty.
- Dell Tech: Yes, but the battery warranty is only a year long.
- Me: Are you shitting me?
- Dell Tech: ...
- Me: No, for real, the entire laptop is warrantied for 2 years but the battery isn't? You don't see anything wrong at all that a battery on a laptop dies 13 months after you ship it?
- Dell Tech: Sir it's not covered.
- Me: Fine. Don't send me a battery. Send me a new machine.
- Dell Tech: You need a battery.
- Me: Well, I need a new machine. Without the battery it's useless. Send me a new machine.
- Dell Tech: The new machine is covered. We will send you a new machine.
- Me: Awesome. Send me a $2000 machine when you could have saved yourself $1950 by sending me a battery. Great business model.
- Dell Tech: ...
